Hindsight
by SceneryWithoutSolace
Summary: You lean in and give her one of those slow, soft kisses you tried so hard not to give her only a few months ago. It's a kiss that means something. It's a kiss that means love.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **Alright, so this is my first ever fic. Which means: go easy on me. I'm not a writer per se, but I needed to write this story because it's essentially loosely based on my real life and I needed to make sense of... well, my life. I've borrowed the ever so sexy Ashley Davies and Spencer Carlin characters to depict this journey, I hope you enjoy!

* * *

_"I will lie awake, and lie for fun and fake the way I hold you. Let you fall for every empty word I say." - Me vs. Maradona vs. Elvis - Brand New  
_

_"I'll make the most of all the sadness. You'll be a bitch because you can." - Slow Dancing In A Burning Room - John Mayer_

**CHAPTER 1**

_You've just started your third year of college, studying environmental science and business at Boston University. You've also just moved into an apartment with your girlfriend for the first time. It's freaking you out a little._

_Your girlfriend: She's definitely attractive. Anyone with functioning corneas would tell you she's pretty. This girl has been your girlfriend for three years. Except to everyone else, she's your "best friend". That's because she still insists on keeping your relationship a secret. Even after three fucking years. Even after everyone already knows anyway._

_The lie has been going on since high school. She was too afraid to come out for fear of rejection from her friends and for fear that her parents would find out. They were both religious and stern people. They treated her like shit._

_So you played along at first, and you admit, it was fun. Sneaking around, stealing kisses whenever you could. Hell, you were just happy to be with a girl. Being in the closet with someone else is better than being in the closet on your own. You figured she'd come around eventually. So you waited._

_But that day still hasn't come. She is so overwhelmingly insecure and still adamant about keeping the secret. You're suffocating. You're practically drowning in the lies you tell for her. You're itching to get out._

_These are the things that pass through your mind as you watch her from the living room. This isn't the first time you've felt this way. This is how you feel all the time. Trapped. Cold. Numb. You want out, and you know it. You so know it. And today, when the reality of the situation hits that you've committed to a 12-month lease with this girl, you know it has to stop. You don't have 12 more months in you to give to her. This has to be done._

_"Hey babe," you grab her attention. "Can we talk?"_

_"Yeah, one sec," comes her uninterested reply. She doesn't catch on to the weight behind your request._

_As you wait for her to meet you on the sofa, you don't practice what you're going to say. You know the words will come as soon as your mouth opens. You always were good at improvising._

_She plops down next to you, still oblivious and a little impatient._

_"What's up, Ash?" she prompts._

_You take a moment to look at her, because moments like these need a little suspense. They set the mood._

_"…I want to break up with you." _

_What?_

_"What?" Yeah, exactly._

_"I want to break up with you. I **am** breaking up with you. And I don't want you to stop me." This isn't your first time trying to end things._

_She's silent. You continue.  
_

_"We're not right for each other." That's not enough, and you know it. "I just… I don't love you anymore." You're not even sure you ever did. "I don't feel anything when we kiss. I haven't, not for a long time." You say the one thing you know will take away any glimmer of hope. Because you know her well enough to know she'd cling to it for dear life._

_"Wow," she breathes out._

_Now you give her time, because you're supposed to. You're hoping she doesn't do what she's always done. Drama, crying, kicking and screaming. Threatening to take her life. Crying wolf. You don't feel anything. You've been numb to her for so long you question why you ever got yourself involved in the first place._

_And then she starts to cry. You wait a minute before moving to console her, but she swats your arms away. And you're glad. She doesn't want the comfort that you know you don't want to give. Maybe she realizes._

_And she does. _

_"Can we still sleep in the same bed for a bit?"_

_"Oh, Carmen..."_


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

It wasn't long after things ended with Carmen that I moved out. She kept trying to hold on, I needed to cut ties. It was emotionally draining. I wanted freedom, I wanted to finally just be myself and be _by_ myself. I wanted to finally just be gay. I'd been comfortable with my sexuality for a long time, but she always asked me to keep it to myself. I wanted to talk about girls with my buddies, go to gay bars and make new friends. So I did.

And like any girl freshly out of a toxic relationship, I had some fun. I think everyone could smell fresh meat when I walked into a bar. It made for some pretty good times and I was having a blast with my newfound independence. I was going out dancing, making out and fooling around like any newly single 20 year old should. I only had one rule: absolutely, positively no feelings. No way was I getting involved any time soon. Not after three years of being strangled and manipulated. Ain't gonna happen.

When the school year came to a close, I ended up taking a summer internship for an environmental consulting company in New York, about 4 hours away from where I went to school in Boston. I knew a few people in the city, including Madison, my best friend from high school. We had kept in touch over the years, and Madison was the first person I officially came out to once I broke free from the wrath of Carmen. When I told Madison I was coming to New York for the summer, she practically shattered my computer screen from her high-pitched squeals through Skype. I was in for one hell of a summer.

It was about halfway through the summer when I met her. Spencer. She was this free-floating artsy type with an air of nonchalance and a hint of innocence. She was fucking beautiful. Like, double-take beautiful. She didn't care much for make-up and cared even less about wearing a bra. Talk about nipple confidence. I was drawn to her immediately.

We met through Madison during a weekend-long gay pride festival. It was late June and hot as fuck. I was sitting on a patio at a bar with Madison and a few other friends. Madison had mentioned that one of her friends was coming to meet up with us, but she failed to mention that this friend of hers was a safety hazard to all lesbians with eyeballs. Everyone at the table went quiet when Spencer approached. They must have all been just as mesmerized as I was.

I knew right after my double-take that I wanted her. I wanted her for the weekend. She would be my conquest.

You see, I was still basking in the glory of my new found singledom. I wasn't looking for love…

* * *

_Inside the bar, you catch Madison on her way back from the washroom. You decide to take this opportunity to talk to her while she's away from everyone else. You've been waiting to reprimand your best friend all day._

_"Madison. What the flip is wrong with you?"_

_"What's up your ass, Davies?"_

_"Where have you been hiding this gorgeous specimen? She's a ten! You didn't warn me!"_

_"Who? Spencer?" she gives a knowing smirk. "I had a feeling you'd like her."_

_"Yeah, me and every other single lesbian in this city. What's her story?"_

_"She's single."_

_You're thankful Madison knows how to get right to the point._

_"I love you."_

_"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Now let's get back in there. You're wasting time, Davies."_

_After the patio session your group decides to head back to the dorms where you're staying for the weekend to get started on the pre-drinking._

_There are twelve girls crammed into this tiny dorm room. Twelve girls, but your sights have been set. You've been trying to catch Spencer's eye all afternoon. All you've managed to do is compliment her choice of beverage ("Mmm a caesar, good call!"). Nice one. _

_She makes you nervous for some reason. Maybe it's her nonchalance and easy style: light grey skinny jeans, Birkenstocks, and a simple black tank top. No bra. She's so effortlessly sexy. _

_Not that you put in much more effort. Blue jeans, loafers, a band t-shirt and a bra. That's the great thing about lesbians in this city. You wear the same clothes to the bar as you do to the mall. You understand that the booze takes care of making everything look extra sexy._

_There's a straight girl sitting next to you. You know this because she's wearing a skin-tight leopard print dress. She nudges you._

_"Your turn," she hands you the empty bottle. "Spin that shit."_

_Spin the bottle, people. Believe that._

_"Oh, no. I'm good. I'm not playing." _

_You don't want to chance having the bottle land on someone other than Spencer. _

_You cast a glance at Spencer who's looking unenthused with the chatterfuck skank blatantly hitting on her with no shame. _

_The straight girl catches the direction of your glare._

_"Look around, no one's paying attention. Who do you want to kiss?" she says with a mischievous grin._

_You give her a lame look. There's no way that's how this is going down._

_But before you know it, she slams the bottle down, points it directly at Spencer, and starts clapping and cheering. She sneaks in a wink just for you._

_You fully expect Spencer to catch on and demand a re-spin. _

_She doesn't. _

_Instead, she acknowledges the bottle pointed at her, stands up, and walks towards you from across the circle. You barely have time to react before she's straddling you and goes right for the make-out. There's no wasting time with this girl, huh? She pushes you back on the bed you're sitting on, forcing you to lie on your back while she settles on top of you. You're almost positive everyone in the room is cheering but you can't hear anything beyond the explosion in your pants. This girl can fucking kiss._

_All too soon, Spencer breaks the kiss and removes herself from on top of you. However, instead of resuming her spot across the room (next to chatterfuck skank), she settles in next to you on the bed, giving you a sexy smile before turning her attention back to the game._

_That's when you know you have your conquest in the bag._

_The rest of the night goes by in a blur. You're practically inseparable from Spencer throughout the evening. That little make-out session helped breathe some life into your game and you're managing to lay on the flirt quite heavily. Luckily, it's entirely reciprocated. _

_Eventually you make it into the hottest dyke bar on the strip after an excruciatingly long line up. You head straight to the bar to refuel._

_"What can I get you, Spencer?" You're hoping she's just as eager to refuel as you are. Now's not the time to lose steam._

_"Anything clear with more than 40% alcohol by volume. I'll get the next round."_

_You suppress the urge to ask Spencer where she's been all your life. Instead, you turn to the bartender and place your order, "Two shots of vodka, please."_

_After you take turns buying a round, you grab Spencer's hand and lead her to the dance floor. _

_Things heat up quickly and you both know where this night is headed._

_"I want to fuck you so bad." _

_Even though you're thinking the same thing, she catches you off guard with her forwardness._

_"What are we waiting for?" You roll with it. You're only human._

_"Let's get out of here."_


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

After we left the bar we walked a couple blocks to Spencer's apartment. She lived right downtown. Her place wasn't the nicest, but it was big and, most importantly, it was empty. We had it all to ourselves.

The walk was a little sobering and definitely cooled off our moods. When we got back to her place, she poured me the stiffest rum and coke I'd ever tasted. I guess she was starting to lose steam, too. We made awkward small talk in her room, sipping our drinks. It wasn't awkward because we were awkward together, it was awkward because we both knew what we came home for, but neither of us made the move to get it going.

These things normally weren't a problem for me. But with Spencer, I really wasn't on my game. She truly made me nervous in a way that I thought I hated. Looking back, I think I really liked it. It proved she was different from all the other girls.

I guess that stiff captain and coke did a number on my memory because I don't remember how things got started that night. But I do know that we had awesome sloppy drunken sex until the sun came up. Despite the fact that we had been strangers a mere 12 hours prior, we were fucking dynamite under the sheets.

I remember waking up the next morning [only a couple hours later] and looking over at her still sleeping. The morning sun made the room glow enough that I could see her clearly. It was the first time that I was 100% sober in her presence. The blankets were up to her waist and she was topless. My first thought was that she had really great tits. My second thought was a mental pat on my own back for snagging the hottie. I have to admit that deep down I had my doubts about whether or not I would actually be able to pick her up. But alas, the Davies charm pulled through.

Spencer and I had spent the rest of the weekend much in the same fashion: drinking, clubbing, hooking up. Lather, rinse, repeat. It went by in a blur. When the weekend came to a close, I remember saying goodbye, thinking I'd never see this girl again in my life…

* * *

_"Let's get down to business  
To defeat the Huns  
Did they send me daughters  
When I asked for sons?"_

_You wake up with a hangover for the third morning in a row. As you drift slowly into consciousness, you can faintly hear some cheesy song contributing to the pain you feel between your ears._

_"Spencer? What are you doing?"_

_"Hey, sorry. I'm watching Mulan. I couldn't sleep," she says nonchalantly from across the room, slouched in her desk chair._

_Oh, Mulan, of course. Who wouldn't be watching a Disney movie at 7:00 am after a long weekend of nonstop partying and fucking?_

_"Hm. I've never seen Mulan." You decide against offending the girl whose apartment you're currently naked in._

_"Seriously? Mulan is like, Disney's version of a hot butch. You __**are**__ gay, right?"_

_You glare at her incredulously. "We've spent the last three days boning and you're questioning whether or not I'm a homo? Really?"_

_"You should watch Mulan. She puts any lesbian to shame."_

_"Duly noted." It's too early for banter. You need coffee. "You wanna hit a Starbucks?"_

_"I actually can't, I'm sorry. I promised some friends we'd go to Six Flags today."_

_Disney movies and rollercoasters. You seriously start to question her sanity._

_"Are you not the least bit hungover? You are __**human**__, right?" Even with those unreal tits?_

_"Oh, no, I am. Trust me, I __**will **__barf today. But I promised my friends I'd go."_

_"Well good luck with that!" You truly mean it. "I should probably head out then. Mind if I borrow your laptop to check the bus schedule?"_

_You busy yourself freshening up and gathering your things so you can catch the next bus that comes in an hour. Once you're packed up and ready to go, you signal to Spencer that you're about to head out. She walks with you towards her front door. You turn around to face her, standing a couple feet apart._

_"Alright! Well…" she laughs and trails off._

_"Yeah… Um, thanks for a fun weekend?" You share a laugh. You fully expect to never see this girl again. _

_You're both aware of how awkward this moment is. Do you hug? Kiss? High five?_

_After a moment of hesitation, she moves in for a quick peck on the lips._

_"See you around, Ashley."_

_"Have fun at Six Flags, crazy." You move to open the door._

_You get a slight chuckle and a "thanks" in return._

_"Alright, later Spencer." _

_And you're out the door. You let out a breath you didn't know you had been holding._

_On the bus ride home, you reflect on your weekend. You catch yourself smiling at the thought of Spencer. You really had a great time._

_You feel the need to send her one last text._

**_Don't forget the barf bag. ;)_**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **A huge thank you to those who have reviewed and followed! It makes my day to know that people are reading and enjoying, and definitely encourages me to post more. Here's ch.4 - enjoy!

_"I'm just hiding in here. I chase the good girls away.  
Beyond the rain the snow and the sunshine, it'll always be me and mine." - Me And Mine - Crush Luther_

**CHAPTER 4**

So my "one last text" to Spencer didn't end up being the last. We actually ended up texting quite often over the next couple weeks. There was definitely a flirtatious tone to our messages, and I caught myself smiling at my phone on more than one occasion.

Our messaging also allowed us to get the basic information about the other that we somehow never covered during the entire pride weekend. For example, I found out that Spencer is one year younger than me. That her parents live an hour outside of New York City. That Spencer knew Madison from having worked together at a restaurant up near Madison's cottage north of the city. I found out that Spencer was actually living up there for the summer. She had her apartment in the city because she was studying visual arts at Columbia University, and didn't want to do the one-hour commute in from her parents place.

I gave her the same low-down on me. I had just turned 21. My parents also lived an hour outside of New York City, but on the complete opposite side from her parents, in Danbury, Connecticut. That's where I grew up and where I went to high school, with Madison. I told her that I was studying at Boston University, and that I was only in New York City for a summer internship.

It was pretty clear that we led very different lives, and that it was only by chance that we intersected when we had. I wasn't disappointed, simply because I hadn't given any thought to the possibility of something between us. Spencer was just a hook-up.

A fun hook-up, whose company I enjoyed. And whose text messages made me smile. A hook-up with whom there was an undeniable physical chemistry…

* * *

**_ASHbrowns! Bring your bacon to my cottage this weekend. Party time._**

_You get a text from Madison, the only person who calls you by that ridiculous nickname. _

**_I'm not a piece of meat, Madison. _**

**_That's not what it looked like when Spencer was practically trying to swallow you whole a couple weeks ago :P_**

**_Touché. Now tell me more about this party. Will there be any other fresh meat attending?_**

**_Fresh? Nah. But if you're down for some leftovers then you might be interested to know that Spencer will be coming. So get your ass up here this weekend girl!_**

_Now she has your attention._

**_See you Friday, skank._**

_There's no point in beating around the bush. Madison knows you well enough to know you want to see Spencer again. She'd never admit it, but she probably even set this up just for you._

_By the time Friday rolls around, you're starting to feel a little nervous. You really have no idea what you're getting yourself into with going to see Spencer this weekend. You try not to give it too much thought. You try to act casual about it. You try to convince yourself it's casual. You can't handle anything more than casual right now._

_The drive up is long and traffic is a bitch. Driving up to cottage country from the city is always an emotional rollercoaster. It starts out with relief when your week finally comes to a close. Then you feel an initial tingling of excitement when you get into your car and set out on your way. Then the traffic hits and with it comes frustration and anxiousness._

_That's why you love Madison so much when she greets you with two shot glasses as you pull up onto her pebble driveway. You jump out of the car, throw your keys onto the hood and walk up to her with a relieved smile. You'll grab your bags later. Sleeping arrangements are never the first priority at the cottage. _

_She hands you a shot glass._

_"Vodka?"_

_"What else?"_

_"I love you."_

_"You say that a lot."_

_"I know. It grosses me out too."_

_"Cheers," she holds up the glass as you meet it with your own._

_"Cheers!"_

_Once the burning subsides Madison gives you a high five, grabs your empty shot glass and tells you to meet her around the fire for round two. You're about to turn to grab the things from your car when someone catches your eye. Spencer is approaching with a smile on her face. She seems less tentative than you had expected as she holds her arms open to greet you with a hug. You flash her your signature Davies smile and happily reciprocate the embrace._

_"Well hello there sexy," you offer a flirtatious hello._

_"Hey yourself," comes her welcome coupled with a cute smile. "Glad you could make it."_

_"Me too."_

_There's a brief awkward pause as you pull away from the hug and just smile at one another._

_"So have you been here for long? Do I have a lot of catching up to do?"_

_"Meh, maybe only by a drink or two. Most people have been here for only an hour or so. They've got the fire going and some people are playing cards in the gazebo."_

_"Cards, huh? That's always a good way to get caught up."_

_"What are we waiting for?" she says with a sly smile._

_You raise your eyebrows at her stolen line and bump her shoulder with your own as you make your way towards the gazebo._

* * *

_You spent most of the night either sitting by the fire just chatting with people or sitting inside the gazebo playing some kind of drinking game. It wasn't a huge crowd and the night never got too wild._

_When 2:00am rolls around people slowly start to filter out and head to bed. There are only a couple people left awake, including Spencer. She's sitting next to you in a chair by the fire. You've been making small talk and admiring the stars for a while now._

_"Where are you crashing tonight, Spencer?"_

_"Madison told me to use the cabin. What about you?"_

_You laugh. "Yeah, she told me the same thing. That little snake."_

_The cabin only has one bed._

_"Sneaky snake indeed," she agrees. "I'm not complaining though…"_

_"Me neither."_

* * *

_You both make your way into the cabin to get ready for bed. Spencer is the first to hop into the bed and settles on the outside. Now, this is a small cabin and the bed literally takes up half of the room. That means you'll have to crawl over her to get to the other side of the bed. Who's the sneaky snake now?_

_You figure it was all a ploy anyway so you play along by completely bulldozing Spencer. The action initiates a flirty wrestling match but soon ends when you manage to pin Spencer's hands above her head as you straddle her._

_The mood suddenly shifts as she stops fighting back, and you're left looking down at her. _

_God, she's so pretty._

_You lean down and kiss her softly, slowly. It's nice. It's… not casual. It's so not casual. It's a kiss that's supposed to mean something, and it pulls you right from the moment. It pulls you right back up until you're hovering over Spencer again. You're grateful that it's dark in the room and Spencer can't see the look on your face, the one that says, "what the fuck am I doing?"_

_"I'm glad you came up this weekend," she admits a little nervously._

_"Yeah…" you're nervous too. You're freaking out a little on the inside, and you're not sure why._

_"I like you, Ashley."_

_Oh, that's why. You aren't ready for this. This is too much. This was supposed to be casual. This is against the rules. This is against __**the**__ rule._

_You have no idea what to say. You're like a deer caught in headlights and the only thing you can think to do is lean down and kiss her again. A kiss that's a little less soft this time. A kiss that doesn't mean anything more than sex this time. _


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** Hi again! Here's some FOF to show my appreciation for the reviews :)

Elke85: my first reviewer ever! Thank you! I hope you enjoyed chapter 3, even if it wasn't as smutty as you may have hoped!

CrazDenaz: thanks for following this story! I could tell you what Ashley's gonna do… but then you wouldn't keep reading. You'll just have to wait and see. Hope you like it though!

Annais81: I've written quite a bit so far so it'll keep coming pretty steadily for a while, don't you worry. And yup, this is pretty much my story. There are minor differences of course… for example, I am not Ashley Davies, which is good news because otherwise I'd be a major narcissist. Though I do (and have always) related to her character, which is probably why I'm so drawn to Spashley as a couple.

Sami: As I said, there's more to come so I hope you continue to enjoy :)

To the guest who said they wouldn't mind Spashley being just friends: I don't want to give too much away, but this Spencer and this Ashley… are not meant to just be friends. There's way more between them, always has been, always will be ;)

* * *

**CHAPTER 5 **

_"With my pants around my ankles, I played my part.  
I built the ark, but I don't want to get lost in the ocean. Earth starts spinning around to the motion...  
But I don't really even care if I'm alone now. I don't really give a damn about falling in love." _

_About Falling - Say Anything_

* * *

When I woke up in the cabin that next morning, Spencer was gone. I knew she would be because she had to work, but she didn't even say goodbye. I can't say I was surprised. We didn't talk at all after I kissed her. She got the message.

I knew what I had done. I had essentially told Spencer that she was just a fuck buddy and nothing more. I felt terrible, and that was new for me. The fact that I felt bad spoke volumes. I knew that I liked her, and I felt bad for effectively lying to her when I didn't admit it. I guess I didn't want to admit it to myself, because I didn't know what I was going to do about that realization.

Either way, I knew couldn't leave things the way they were…

* * *

**_Hey Spencer, I hope work today isn't too brutal. Are you coming back to Madison's tonight?_**

_You hit send and await Spencer's reply._

**_Don't think so. Pretty tired from no sleep. Have fun though._**

_It's painfully obvious that she's upset. You need to make things better somehow._

**_Aw, you should come anyway. I think we're just going to have a chill night, go to a movie in town or something. Please come?_**

**_I dunno, maybe._**

**_Please? I want to see you again before I leave. _**

**_Alright. I'll text you when I get off work._**

**_Awesome. Can't wait Spencer  
_**

_You spend the day just lounging on the dock, hanging out with a handful of people who stayed behind after the party last night. You don't tell Madison about your little screw up with Spencer. You're Ashley Davies, you don't talk about feelings._

_You make the short trip into town with Madison and her friend Sherri. You'd met Sherri a few times before and she's pretty cool, but very straight. The three of you decide to go for sushi before catching a movie. Spencer said she would meet you there. You're nervous, but this time you know why._

_Madison decides to take this opportunity to grill you about Spencer._

_"Sooo… you and Spencer?"_

_You roll your eyes._

_"What about me and Spencer, Madison?"_

_"Are you guys dating or what?"_

_"Mads, nothing's going on. We're just having fun." You really don't want to be having this conversation, so you tactfully add on, "Speaking of which, the bed sheets in the cabin should probably be changed." Cue evil smirk._

_"First of all, ew. Second, don't even try, Davies. I know it's more than that. You dig this broad."_

_"So what if I do? It's not like it matters."_

_"Of course it matters. She obviously likes you too, just go for it."_

_"Go for __**what**__? There's nothing to go for. I'll be in Boston in less than two months, and she'll be in New York. There's no point, so, no, it doesn't matter. Besides, I'm not looking for a relationship. Carmen was enough for a fucking lifetime." _

_"Liking someone isn't a death sentence, Ashley. And Spencer is __**not**__ Car-"_

_Madison shuts up immediately and her eyes are looking over your shoulder. You realize that Spencer has arrived. _

_When she reaches the table she takes the seat next to you. You offer her a small, cowardly smile. She barely offers anything back._

_Dinner is awkward. Spencer acts mostly normal but doesn't pay much attention to you specifically. Once you get to the theatre you realize the movie you wanted to see is sold out. Madison suggests going to meet a couple friends at a local coffee shop around the block instead. You figure that might be a better setting to have a talk with Spencer._

_You and Spencer order the same drink – americano, black – and smile shyly at one another at the realization. Once your coffees are prepared, Spencer starts to walk towards the table where your friends are seated. You reach for her arm to gain her attention._

_"Hey, Spencer? You wanna walk outside with me for a minute?"_

_"Uh…" Spencer looks towards your friends, who aren't paying any attention to either of you, and then back to you. "Sure."_

_She leads the way outside and you begin walking across the grass towards a park next door. You're walking at a slow pace, side by side._

_"Spencer, I want to apologize for last night."_

_"Don't worry about it Ashley. It's not a big deal. I get it."_

_"No. That's the thing. It's not like that… It's not… Not with you." You aren't usually this bad at coming up with something to say._

_"What? What's not with me?"_

_"Sex. I mean, with you… sex. It's not just about sex... with you." Jesus, Davies. You're a fuckin' poet tonight._

_"I don't get it." _

_"Fuck. I'm bad at this. I'm sorry." You're flustered and frustrated. This isn't going as well as you'd hoped._

_"Bad at what?" She's frustrated now, too._

_"Bad at… feelings. I do like you, ok? I just… didn't expect it and don't know what to make of it."_

_"Oh," she ponders what you're trying to say. "Well, I didn't say it expecting something to come from it. I just like you and wanted you to know. That's all." She makes it seem so simple._

_"Well, I like you too. And I couldn't leave things the way I left them last night. I guess I wanted you to know too."_

_"Alright. So we like each other. Cool." She smiles at you._

_"So, what does that mean?"_

_"Does it have to mean something right now?"_

_"No, I guess not. So we'll just… go with it, then?"_

_"I think that sounds good."_

_"Good…" you repeat. "Ok. I think I can handle that."_


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6 **

After that weekend at Madison's cottage, I was noticeably more relaxed about the whole _feelings_ thing. I realized that it didn't have to be a death sentence, and that there was no harm in just going with it. It was summer, after all. At one point, though, Spencer and I had an awkward conversation about hooking up with other people. I guess she was curious if I was seeing other people on the side, and I won't lie and say that I wasn't a little curious about her too. It turned out she was definitely not seeing other people, and she accepted my response when I told her I didn't have time for anyone else because I gave her all my free time. And I truly did; Spencer and I made a point to see one other almost every weekend for the rest of the summer. It gave us the chance to get to know the other a little better.

I learned that in high school, Spencer used to travel the world competing in dance, and that it was through travelling and sightseeing that she picked up photography. From there she dabbled in film, then drawing and painting. Her appreciation for the arts is something way beyond what I could comprehend. She told me that no matter where you go in the world and no matter how little money and resources some people have, art is the one thing that is always alive and well. Spencer told me of her dreams of travelling and working in underdeveloped countries to help improve the lives of others through art and education programs.

It was easy to like Spencer. It was exciting to be with her. But with the end of the summer looming over us – where I would be going back to Boston, and Spencer staying in New York – it kept me from developing any real expectations where she was concerned. In my mind, this was a summer fling. I never got upset about it because I never let my mind go to a place where I would imagine more for Spencer and I.

So when Spencer told me that she was considering moving to Boston, it really threw me for a loop…

* * *

_It's a Saturday night in mid-August and you're sitting on a playground with Spencer. You came out to the park after dinner to wind down and enjoy the cool air._

_"Hey, Ash?"_

_You're not sure when Spencer started using the shortened version of your name, but you know you like it coming from her._

_"Yeah?" _

_"I've been meaning to talk to you about something."_

_This sounds serious. _

_"You're pregnant, aren't you? Jesus, Spencer. Why do you have to be so damn fertile?"_

_Naturally, you reply with a joke._

_"Ha ha very funny. But seriously, Ashley."_

_"Ok, sorry. You have my attention. What's going on?"_

_"Well, you remember my aunt that I told you about, the one who's been in remission for a couple years?" You nod for her to continue. "Well, the cancer came back again. I guess it's pretty serious."_

_"Fuck, Spencer, I'm so sorry to hear that."_

_"Thanks," she sends a grateful smile. "Anyway, she lives out in Chelsea… I was uh, thinking… I think I want to go spend some time with her while I still have the chance. Which means I'll be in Boston."_

_"That's really great, Spencer. I'm sure your aunt will love having you," you state the obvious._

_"Yeah, for sure… But um, I guess I'm just wondering if you would want to… you know, continue with… this. With us... if I move there?"_

_"Move?" You hadn't exactly clued in to what she was trying to tell you. "Oh! Wow…"_

_When you finally click in to what she's asking, you start to have your signature freak out. The feeling is familiar and suddenly you're reminded of the last time you freaked out when it came to this beautiful blonde. You remember how you regretted your reaction. You need to snap out of it. You enjoy spending time with Spencer. Why wouldn't you want it to continue?_

_While you're having your internal debate, Spencer takes your silence the wrong way._

_"Yeah, um, you know what? I knew this was just a summer fling, so forget I said anything. That was stupid of me."_

_The hurt in Spencer's voice triggers an immediate reaction from somewhere inside you._

_"No!"_

_Spencer looks at you quizzically. Once your brain catches up to what's actually happening, you continue._

_"No, Spencer. It's not stupid. It's great. That's great. Of course I would want to keep seeing you. I just really wasn't prepared for that. That's all."_

_"Okay…" she displays some hesitancy. "Are you sure?"_

_"Yes, I'm sure. That's awesome," you reassure her. "But wait, what about school? Are you transferring?"_

_"Um, well I was actually thinking of taking the year off. I want to work for a bit to save up enough so I can travel later this year. Do a volunteer stint in Africa or something."_

_"Seriously? That's wicked. You're all over the map, huh?"_

_She chuckles lightly, "I guess so!"_

_It's with that thought that you realize Spencer is a wildcard. She has been since you first met, and probably always will be._


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **Hi everyone! Some more FOF for my reviewers :)

Elke85: I'm so glad you're enjoying and thanks for yet another review :) I'm happy to announce that I KIND OF wrote a smut scene the other day (when you read it you'll understand why I say "kind of"). Coming up in chapter 9, I think. Stay tuned.

googoo4u: Ashley's career is something I'm actually struggling to incorporate into this story. I've already mentioned Ashley's a student; she's studying environmental sciences and business, and her summer internship was with an environmental consulting company. I'm not really convinced that her career will play much of a role in this story. TBD I guess. Also, I'm embarrassed to admit that this particular Ashley isn't musically inclined, at all! I'm sorry to disappoint but I feel like if I tried to throw some music into this it would really take away from the honest portrayal of the relationship between our girls. Actually, I just got an idea. Wait for it... Ok! I've added a part into this chapter just for you. On another note, you'll see the artsy side of Spencer in a future chapter, I promise. It'll be cute. Stay tuned as well!

Annais81: Yes, Ashley's walls are falling for sure. That being said, this story is far from over. I haven't yet decided how (or at what point) I'll end this story, but I don't intend to stray too far from from the real journey. Do I feel exposed? A little. But I'm hidden behind a screen name. Thank trees for the internet! And thanks to you once again for following and supporting!

ItsMeCharlee: GREAT question. I'm glad you caught on to that. I'll probably have two or three chapters devoted to that topic alone. Wait and see :)

* * *

**CHAPTER 7 **

Spencer ended up moving to Chelsea around the same time that I moved back to Boston. We didn't see each other for about a week until we were each finally settled into our respective places. I was back in the apartment I rented after I moved out from my place with Carmen, and Spencer was staying with her aunt.

I remember when we met up for the first time out there. It felt weird. Boston had a totally different vibe to it. New York was loud and restless and surging. Boston was more calm and settled, and it affected the whole feeling of the relationship between Spencer and I. It felt like we had time. We were able to relax more around each other instead of going hard at the weekends like we did in the summer. I think we came to appreciate each other's company for more than just a good drunken time. We went on little adventures, watched movies together, had sober daytime sex, which, by the way, is totally different from drunken sex in the dark. I'm happy to report her tits are just as great as I made them out to be.

Not only did coming back to Boston with Spencer in tow change the vibe of our relationship, it changed my own personal vibe too. The last time I was in Boston, I was parading around with a big fat "newly single" stamp on my forehead and didn't have a care in the world aside from partying and occasionally showing up for my classes (especially when I had tests). But with Spencer in the picture, I felt different. I didn't want to go looking for random hookups. I threw away my "single" forehead stamp, even though I technically didn't have an "in a relationship" stamp to replace it with. Spencer and I hadn't technically made it official. It seemed silly, considering we had agreed not to see other people, and considering we spent most of our free time together anyway.

So, I decided to bring it up. That's right, **I** brought it up that time. Feelings and stuff... Yuck!

* * *

_It's a Tuesday morning and you've just completely turned off your alarm clock after pressing snooze three times. Who are you kidding? You're not cut out for mornings, period. Plus, Spencer stayed over last night and you're enjoying her body heat in the cold that comes with the fall season. You wake up again after another hour or so of delicious sleep, and make your way into the bathroom to freshen up._

_You come back into the room and hop right back into bed with Spencer. What? You couldn't resist._

_"Don't you need to go to class, or like, study or something? You are in school right? It's not some sort of lie to cover up the fact that you're actually a low-life bum with no ambitions?" Spencer asks, clearly confused with how she never sees you doing anything school related.  
_

_"Hey! I'm ambitious! I just... realized a long time ago that the minor improvement in my grades associated with actual effort is totally and logically unjustifiable. I have an uncanny ability to simply 'wing it'. Besides, I like spending time with you instead." The sweet talker in you makes an appearance, even though it's kinda totally true.  
_

_"Me too, Ash." Spencer admits sweetly.  
_

_"You do?"_

_"I do."_

_Spencer gives you her signature cutey patootie smile, while you look at her with a pensive expression._

_"What's up, Ash?"_

_"Hmm?" you ask, not fully there._

_"Something on your mind?"_

_"Wha? Oh, um, I dunno, I guess I was just wondering something."_

_"Wondering what?"_

_"Well, I mean, we've been spending a lot of time together... and..." You trail off, suddenly feeling nervous. You decide against bringing it up. Cue the signature Davies 180 degree spin. "It's just that, well, we've spent all this time together and you still don't know about my guilty pleasure."_

_Spencer looks confused, and a little disappointed too. "OK. Tell me then, what's your guilty pleasure?"_

_"You have to promise you won't judge me."_

_"I would never judge you, Ashley." She sounds so earnest, and you feel a little bad for what you're about to say._

_"I'm glad to hear you say that, Spence, 'cause... I secretly have a huge thing for Miley Cyrus." You exhale dramatically. "There. I said it."_

_Spencer glares at you evilly for a moment, until she breaks into a smile and punches your shoulder playfully. "You know, Ash, normally I would make fun of you for something like that but I actually can't judge on this one; I totally have a crush on her too! I even saw her in concert when I was like, 17."_

_You're silent for a moment as you take in what Spencer just told you. "Seriously?"_

_"Yeah! She was awesome!" Spencer says excitedly._

_"Umm... Spence? I was completely 100% joking when I said I liked Miley Cyrus."_

_"Oh..."_

_"Oh my god, Spencer! You legitimately have a thing for Miley fucking Cyrus?! I totally judge you now!"_

_"Ashley!"_

* * *

_After you and Spencer have a fake fight about your irreconcilable differences, you decide it might be best if you made yourself presentable and actually showed up to a class for once. You let Spencer know you're taking a shower, and regretfully inform her she can't join you because you legitimately should go to at least one of your three classes today. Fucking responsibilities._

_Forgetting that Spencer is in your apartment, you start belting out the words to No One by Alicia Keys. It's been on the radio non-fucking-stop and you can't get it out of your head._

_You dry off and make your way into your room to get changed. Spencer's lying on your bed, on her stomach with her feet up in the air. She's sketching something into a sketchpad, something she does whenever she has a free moment. You make a mental note at how nice it is to have someone around, someone who's there in the mornings, someone who's there when you get out of the shower, someone who you don't feel the need to kick out of your apartment after you've had sex. You store that thought, and continue picking out some clothes for your major upcoming appearance on campus._

_"I didn't take you for an Alicia Keys fan, Davies." Spencer says out of nowhere._

_"Oh god, you heard that? Yikes, sorry!"_

_"Don't be embarrassed! It was entertaining. Don't get me wrong though, you're a terrible singer."_

_Now, while that's an entirely truthful statement, you're not one to take a hit like that._

_"Yeah, you know what? That really means nothing coming from a deranged Miley Cyrus fan." Ashley: 1, Spencer: 0, Miley Cyrus: minus a million._

_"If you think I have such bad taste in women, what does that say about you?" Ouch, point to Spencer._

_You give up on the offensive and take a different approach by contorting your face into what you hope is a pouty look (you're not used to stooping to that level for attention)._

_"Aww... If it makes you feel any better, I think you're way hotter than Miley. And I might maybe like you more, too."_

_Well that was just sweet. Maybe you should use that pouty face more often._

_"I like you more than I like Miley too."_

_"Well I should hope so!" Spencer clearly isn't impressed by that. You admit that the statement doesn't even come close to representing your feelings for Spencer. You don't think it's fair to leave it at that. You've already chickened out once today.  
_

_"Actually, I like you a lot, Spence." You're holding your breath. But Spencer doesn't say anything, she just looks at you, kind of in shock. So you continue, "And I've kind of been wondering if there's a reason we haven't, um, you know, made us like, official, or whatever." You're not sure if you let out that first breath, but you suck in another and wait again for Spencer's response._

_"Is that what you want?" comes Spencer's reply. You expected a different reaction, but maybe she's just being protective of herself from the last few times you acted like an ass during conversations like these._

_"Honestly? I kind of thought we were, you know? Just without saying it. But maybe we should say it?" You ask uncertainly._

_"Are you saying it?"_

_"I think I'm saying it."_

_"You **think** you're saying it?"_

_"No, I am. I am saying it. Is that ok with you?"_

_"I guess that's ok." Spencer says with the tiniest hint of a smile. _

_"You **guess** that's ok?"_

_"No, it's ok. I'm saying it's ok." Spencer says, this time with a definite smile._

_You're definitely smiling too._


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **Sorry for the delay on getting this one out! My excuses are as follows:  
a) I was busy, then I was busy being drunk, then I was hungover, and a lot of the time I've been tired.  
b) I had this chapter written for a long time, but I wasn't happy with it. I tried to fix it a few times but I wasn't vibing with the story so I left it until it felt right. And here we are.

VOILA!

* * *

**CHAPTER 8**

Spencer and I were enjoying our time together in Boston, and I was really starting to like liking someone. Especially since it was her. She was so much fun. She accepted my complete inability to produce any sort of acceptable form of art. She tried to get me to draw, paint, sing. I somehow even managed to fuck up photography (I dropped her expensive DSLR camera... whoops). After that we stuck to the things I knew how to do: drinking, sleeping, avoiding schoolwork, and doing activities and playing sports. Yeah, that's right. I don't get this body from all the booze, unfortunately.

Anyway, we were having a good time until about a month later, when Spencer's aunt passed away. I had only met her once, but I knew that she and Spencer were close. I didn't go to the funeral. Spencer had asked me not to. She had really retracted into herself and I didn't know her well enough to know whether I should pry or just let her deal. I wasn't very good with death anyway. I didn't understand it. Hell, I still don't.

I opted to let her deal with the loss in her own way, but I didn't back away. I still made sure she knew I was around if she wanted me. I didn't know how the whole thing was going to affect our relationship. She was distant in the sense that she never talked about it with me, but she seemed to want to hang out more. I came to realize that words weren't Spencer's ideal way of expressing herself. She'd probably sooner paint her feelings than say them out loud. Looking back, I think I made the right decision in how I handled her aunt's passing. I think she appreciated the silent support. I think it drew us closer in a weird way...

* * *

_You wake up in the middle of the night with a sense that something is off. You roll over to find the other side of the bed is empty. Spencer had stayed the night, but she's not in your bed anymore. You glance at the clock, it's 3:46 am. Something's not right._

_As you move to get out of bed, you're startled when you see Spencer curled up on your bedroom floor. She's been having trouble sleeping lately, and you feel bad that she didn't wake you up but instead opted to sleep on the uncomfortable hardwood floor. You decide not to wake her, but you can't simply leave her lying on the floor by herself. So you grab your pillow and gently settle in behind her, effectively spooning her. You're not sure if it's the right thing to do, but you do it anyway. She stirs a bit but you don't think she's woken. After a few minutes, you place a kiss to the back of her neck and whisper a quiet "sweet dreams" before dozing off to sleep._

_The next morning you wake up, again to find that Spencer isn't next to you. At first you're worried that she's left, but then you hear the distinct sounds of someone cooking in the kitchen._

_As you groggily open your bedroom door and make your way towards the kitchen, Spencer peers up from the kitchen counter._

_"Hey," she smiles. "Go freshen up. Breakfast will be ready soon."_

_You mutter something nonsensical and redirect yourself towards the bathroom. You never were a morning person._

_You come out of the washroom to find Spencer at the kitchen table with two plates of what look and smell like banana pancakes._

_"Wow, Spencer, this looks amazing. Thank you."_

_"You can thank Jack Johnson, it was his idea."_

_You realize that this is her way of thanking you for last night. You feel relieved to know you did do the right thing, that you've helped her in some way. You were a little unsure as to how to approach her situation, simply because you weren't used to caring enough to try. You were so tuned out with Carmen, but this is different, and you realize it's because you care about this girl._

* * *

_Later that week you decide it's time to introduce Spencer to your friends. It'll be t__he first time you officially introduce a girlfriend to your friends. They all knew Carmen, but only as your "best friend" [even they probably would have used quotation marks when referring to Carmen as your best friend]. It's exciting and nerve-wracking at the same time. Wait, no it's not. You're Ashley freaking Davies. You don't care what anyone thinks! Ahem... moving on..._

_You arrange a game night at your place with your close friends from school. There's Clay, who you sat next to in your very first class at college. He's extremely shy, but he let you babble on all class anyway and you liked that. Then there's Sasha, who lived on your floor in residence in first year. Sasha's hot. You flirted with her shamelessly when you first met, hoping to pick up a signal on your gaydar, but... nothin'. On the other hand, there's Aiden who sets off your gaydar so hard you're convinced he's where rainbows **come from.** BUT, you don't say anything because he's Sasha's boyfriend (how, you do not know). Finally, there's Chelsea. Chelsea works part time at the campus coffee shop and she would always try to flirt with Clay, but with Clay being so shy you decided to take matters into your own hands and invite her along to a party one night. They somehow hit it off and she's been around ever since. She quickly became one of your best friends in Boston._

_Once everyone arrives and the introductions are over with, you settle into the living room and play pretty much every lame game you can think of. Jenga, Bullshit (Aiden's idea - probably some Matthew Mcconaughey fantasy), charades, etc. The night goes off without a hitch. You watch in awe as Spencer blends in as if she's been around forever._

_At some point, Spencer gets up from the couch and saunters over to the washroom. You shamelessly stare at her ass as she walks away. _

_When you turn your attention back to the card game, you notice Chelsea is looking at you with a funny grin on her face._

_"What?" you ask her defensively._

_"She's adorable, Ashley."_

_You can't hold back the huge smile that forms on your face._

_"I know, right?"_

_Chelsea just continues to give you that fucking grin._

_"What, Chelsea!?"_

_"Do you love her?" she asks straight up. No bullshit there._

_You're taken aback by the question. You look in the direction of the bathroom where Spencer was a few moments ago, and back towards Chelsea. You pause before you answer her honestly._

_"Not yet."_

_What you don't tell her, though, is that you think it might be soon.  
_

* * *

**A/N:** I love stories where the author makes Aiden gay, and I just couldn't resist. I'm sure most of you won't mind.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **So this was my favourite chapter to write so far. And for the record, yes, this actually happened.

I hope you enjoy and review if you did! Thanks for reading everyone.

**CHAPTER 9  
**

After Spencer's aunt passed, there was a lot of uncertainty surrounding our relationship, simply because Spencer had only been in Boston to be with her aunt. Would she go back to New York? Would she stay? I wanted her to stay. But to be honest, I was convinced that I, Ashley Davies, wasn't reason enough to make a person want to stay when there is nothing else keeping them. I was so afraid of the answer when I finally asked her.

Spencer's parents were in charge of her aunt's estate. They were going to sell the house – eventually. It turned out that Spencer made an arrangement with her parents that she would stay in the house for a while longer to paint it and do some minor touch ups to ready the house for the market. Spencer mentioned that if she had enough money saved up from her serving job and from painting by the time the house sold, she would go on her volunteer stint when that time came.

It was a relief to know we still had some time together. It was weird to feel relief or to feel happy or selfish during a time like that, when everyone is grieving. But it always feels weird to simply **live** after someone else has their life is taken from them. You question your purpose, and you feel bad for going about your day without accomplishing something meaningful. But you do it anyway, and eventually you realize that life just **is**, and life just **continues** for those of us lucky enough for it to continue.

So we went about our lives, still enjoying one another's company, hanging out whenever we could. There was always a looming sense that eventually our time would run out, but when you're young and having fun and having great sex, it's easy not to think about those things. When you're young and having fun and having great sex with a great young girl like Spencer, it's hard to stop yourself from developing feelings…

* * *

_You wake up late and slowly one Sunday morning, just the way you like it. Spencer has the day off today and you have no plans at all. You roll over so that you're facing Spencer, who's just starting to wake up as well. You place a kiss to her perfectly kissable cheek._

_"Morning babe," you say, coaxing her into consciousness._

_"Mmm, hey."_

_"I'm gonna go brew some java. I'll see you downstairs when you're ready, k sleepyhead?"_

_"Mmm, 'kay."_

_You find her ridiculously adorable when she's sleepy. It doesn't happen often that you get to see her sleepy, because you always sleep in later than anyone ever, all the time.  
_

_Just as the coffee maker is sputtering its last drops into the pot, Spencer makes an appearance in the kitchen doorway._

_"Smells so good," she says, still obviously a little sleepy._

_You pour her some and hand her the mug. "Here, I made it myself."_

_"Thanks, Ash," she says as you make your way into the living room together. You sit on the sofa and grab a blanket to share, putting on some cartoons with the volume low.  
_

_"So, what kind of shenanigans do you wanna get up to today, Spence?"_

_"Why don't we have a lazy day? Watch movies and cuddle up under the blanketsOHMYGOD let's make a blanket fort!" _

_You can't help but laugh at Spencer's burst of excitement and how adorable she is when her eyes light up like she's just a big kid. A big kid with minor ADD, but that's beside the point. _

_"I like the way you think, Carlin." _

_You finish up your coffee and after a small breakfast you busy yourselves gathering blankets and cushions for your work of art. You're impressed with how well and how easily you and Spencer bounce ideas off each other and build a massive fort in no time. You even managed to incorporate the TV into the fort, and you laid down a mattress for extra comfort. You hop in the fort and lie down with Spencer, appreciating your masterpiece. _

_"Well, Spence, I don't know about you but I've worked up an appetite. Burritos?" _

_"If my stomach had a mind and you could read minds, you would have read my stomach's mind." _

_"Wow, I'd love to get a glimpse at all the nonsense in that noggin of yours Spence," you reply, amused with how interesting some of Spencer's quips can be. _

_In the kitchen, you find you're even impressed with how well you and Spencer work to make a meal, sharing duties evenly. You cut the onion because you wear contact lenses and the acid doesn't bother you. Spencer cuts the hot pepper because you're a pussy and can't handle the heat. _

_After a very satisfying second burrito, you decide it's time to put that fort to good use._

_"What do you say we go prove why it's still cool to make blanket forts in your twenties?" You flirtily suggest to your sexy blonde girlfriend. _

_"I have no idea what you might be referring to. What ever could you mean by that?" Spencer says, playing dumb. _

_"Come on, let me show you." _

_You make your way into the fort and waste no time before pinning Spencer underneath you and attacking her mouth and neck with hot kisses. Holding yourself up with your left arm, you bring your right hand down to Spencer's waist line and slip your hand under her shirt to squeeze her hip, using your actions to ask her to lift up her hips so you can slide her sweatpants off. Usually she complies, but not this time. Instead, she flips your bodies around in one swift motion so that she's now topping you and plastering your neck with searing kisses. She mimics your earlier action by bringing her right hand down to your waistline while supporting her weight on her left arm. Unlike you, she doesn't even bother trying to remove your pants. Instead, she slips her hand right in and starts rubbing slow circles. There really is no wasting time with this girl, and you're not opposed to it at all. What she's doing feels so good. You let her know by moaning your approval. _

_After a few minutes, you start to feel a little bit sensitive down there, but you ignore it and let Spencer continue her work. _

_After a few more minutes, you feel an undeniable burning sensation, and not in a good way. You clue in to what's going on. You grab Spencer's wrist to still her hand, asking her to stop. She looks at you in confusion. _

_"Um, babe... Did you by any chance, um, wash your hands after eating lunch?" _

_"What? I don't know, I don't think so. Why?" _

_"Umm... 'cause my clit's kinda on fire..." _

_"What? Wh- Oh! Oh god, the hot peppers!" _

_"Uh huh! Excuse me for a minute!" _

_You dart to the upstairs washroom as fast as you can, lock the door, tear off your clothes and turn the shower on the coldest setting. You thank whatever god that exists that the shower is equipped with a detachable shower head. _

_As you start to feel some relief, you hear Spencer outside of the bathroom door. She's both apologizing and laughing hysterically. _

_"Not funny, Spencer!" _

_"Oh, come on! It's a little funny!" She yells from the other side of the door. _

_You turn the shower off and get out, glad that you're feeling better and hoping that your favourite body part hasn't suffered any permanent damage. _

_"Fine, it's a little funny," you relent as you put your clothes back on. _

_You open the door to face the perpetrator. You've put on a pout for show. _

_"Aw, c'mere my little fire crotch. I'm sorry!" Spencer teases as she reaches out to hug you. _

_"Hey, paws off! You and your grimy mitts can stay away from me. You're on time out!" _

_"Ok, ok. Hands off, I get it. Let's go back to the fort. We'll put on a movie." She suggests and smiles at you sweetly. _

_"Fine. But no funny business!" _

_"No funny business." She accepts. _

_Spencer stays true to her word during the movie; you simply cuddled the whole time. It was nice. As the credits start to roll on the screen, you stay cuddled into Spencer with your head on her chest, enjoying the closeness of your bodies. An overwhelming feeling washes over you. It's not a feeling you recognize, but it's there, and it's undeniable._

_"Babe…" You whisper. You're not even sure why you said that. It kind of just slipped out._

_"What?" Spencer whispers back, letting you know she's listening._

_You're quiet for a while. Spencer probably thinks you let it go, whatever it was that you were going to say._

_"Babe..." There it is again._

_"What?" Spencer says, not in such a whisper this time._

_"Babe…" Now you just sound stupid._

_"Ash, I'm gonna kill you if you say that one more time," she kids._

_"Babe…" You say it again, still whispering._

_"What?" There isn't a trace of annoyance in her voice. She's opening up the door for whatever it is you're trying so hard to keep in._

_"I love you." It's barely a whisper, but she heard it._

_"I love you." She whispers it right back, almost like she knew what you were going to say. Like she had it ready and waiting to say back. Like she was going to say it if you didn't.  
_

_You lift your head from her chest and look at her for a moment, somehow surprised that she feels it too. You lean in and give her one of those slow, soft kisses you tried so hard not to give her only a few months ago. _

_It's a kiss that means something. It's a kiss that means love._


End file.
